I’d be lying if I said that this wasn’t scaring the buhjeezus out of me. An anonymous secret blog. To divulge all of my secrets. My trysts. To lay it all out on the table and empty my soul of its dirty work.

I’ll need to rely strictly on my memory, in order to recall the dates and places and who played what part. In some cases I remember the hair on their chest. Or what they drove, how they dressed. How they acted out in public. What they wanted from me. Mostly I remember how they made me feel. That’s what stands out.

I’m still figuring out if this will play out in chronological order, or if I will jump from “relationship” to “relationship” the way I literally did during that time in my life. I’m also still figuring out why I need to do this. Why I can’t let this go, let them go.

And I’m terrified of being found out. This blog and my real blog cannot know each other, cannot meet or intersect. Sending this test post out to ensure my identity will remain top secret. I can have it no other way.